I Am Hurt But I Will Be Strong

     These past few days, I realized I have been on shaky ground. Things are getting a lot crazier and complicated and it felt like I just want to STOP everything. I’m on the verge of breaking down and my mind is being clouded by my overwhelming emotions. I need to vent out. I need to let go of this depressing feeling. ‘Coz if not, I’ll be in turmoil and it will really take some time for me to heal.

     I write today not because of something else but rather for myself. I write because I  need to let go of this hatred feeling that is ruling over me.  I need to regain my composure and redeem back my old self again.

     It’s so hard to understand why some people would only take you for granted. I just couldn’t get it when people change so fast without giving you a valid reason. Sometimes, I do feel like life is unfair but I don’t want to indulge myself into that kind of thinking. I’m still hoping that things will be better soon. But how soon? I really don’t know and that is killing me deep inside. How I wish that things can be less complicated so that I won’t have to undergo this kind of emotion. It doesn’t feel good and it doesn’t feel right. All i can say is that I AM NOT HAPPY. How hard can it be for a person to be straight forward and just be honest? Difficult but the effect would be less painful. Is this what they call bitterness? Maybe — I think.

     Right now, I need to teach myself on how to become stronger once more but its easier said than done. If only I have the ability to turn back time and correct the past, I’ll definitely do it. However, that would be next to impossible already. All I can do is just wait and believe that time will heal everything. I’m still hoping that one day, i’ll be able to find the answer that I was looking for.


CCF Singles Night Out

     I was given an opportunity to attend a simple dinner gathering that was organized by the place where we worship. It was called the CCF Singles Night Out. This was the first time I’ve attended such events for singles and I’m really not sure on what to do or expect out of it. I must say that I am not really active as compared to my D-Group peers. However, this does not hinder me from attending events such like this whenever I had the opportunity. It’s good to have a meet and greet sessions even if it’s just like once in a while as this is a good venue of meeting my D-Group family  and soon to be new-found friends. In addition, it is also nice to be surrounded by people of my age bracket who really shares a very strong &  intimate relationship  with the Lord as they truly inspire me to strengthen my faith and trust in Him.

– meet the CCF Singles –

     The CCF Singles Night Out event was held at Dampa sa Libis in Quezon City at Room Lapu-Lapu. Around 20-25 heads attended the said activity which is composed of all CCF Single D-Group members. Since my brother and niece couldn’t come, I invited my office mate to accompany me. It was really intimidating at first since we arrived on the venue really late and we were so overwhelmed with the number of people attending the said event. We were almost on the verge of backing out and trying to prepare for a backup plan when suddenly, one of my D-Group peeps came out the door, saw us and invited as in. That’s when we decided to enter the and go mingling with the group.

-the facilitators-

     Our first activity was getting to know each other. We were all asked to draw on a piece of paper something that would best describe us . Since me and my companion are unsure of what to scribble or draw, we both decided to join force and collaborate on the things that would best describe us individually and then later on put that into our sheets. While we are working on our masterpiece, our group master was already calling my peers one by one in front to present their works. We were part of those people who presented lasts and it was really nerve-wracking for me to present myself in front of so many audience that I rarely knew personally. I don’t know how it happened but I was able to pull myself off and successfully delivered my speech.  There were also prizes given away  by our facilitator to those with the best artworks and explanations. Unfortunately, it’s neither one of us.

– our work of art if you can consider it as one… LOL  ^_^ –

     After we have all taken our rounds, our group master declared that its munch time for all us to fill our hungry tummies. A sumptuous dinner was served on the long table wherein it was filled with good servings of rice, buttered garlic prawns, sinigang na bangus, inihaw na liempo, pansit and adobong pusit. I would say that the buttered garlic prawns and pansit orders in Dampa sa Libis were one of the bests that I have ever tasted.

 – the yummy dinner –

      After we’re done eating and we’ve all settled down, its time for us to proceed onto our second activity. The last game that we’ve played was pass the message. However, the twist of the game was that we may only pass the message by actions and no words should spill out from our mouths. I must say that the game may be called as pass the message the charade style. In order for us to win, we have to guess for the right words that our facilitator have prepared. So as to start, we were all asked to divide ourselves into 3 groups with 8 members each. We were then asked to align our chairs into one single line per team and have all of them to face one direction only. As soon as we’re done fixing the chairs, we all went ahead and sit on our assigned seats.

 – a sample picture depicting the concept of our game –

     To start the play, our game master showed a word to the first person seated from the back. After showing it, the first player would have to tap the person in front of him and act the word based on what he thinks that would best describe it. No words should come out from any of the participants as stated from the rule. The process would continue until it had reached the person who was seated in the front. His task was to decipher the actions, guess for the correct word and relay the answer to the game master. There were two words that our leader had prepared — P-Noy and Jeepney. It was really fun playing the game and at the same time challenging as we really don’t know if our answers were guessed correct. However, our team won in the end as we were able to provide the nearest answer for the second word. I’m not sure what the boys have received but for the girls, we were given a Biblicard entitled “Words of Wisdom for Women” as a token for winning the game.

 – front cover –

– sample entry from the Biblicard –

     I thought the game was created for killing the time. Little did I know that there was a deeper message in it. The way that our facilitator explained it to us was really astounding. He told us that the process on how the game was played has a correlation on how we communicate with God. If we reach out to God directly, we will be able to share ourselves personally with Him and His message on us will be clearer. However, if we try to communicate with Him by relying on one person to another, there is a chance that there will be disconnects along the way and that the message may not be delivered correctly. Come to think of it, it’s really true. The best way to reach out to God is by connecting ourselves directly  with Him.

     After this small talk, we ended our night with a prayer. I could say that the event was very successful despite that the event was held in a very limited and confined venue. The purpose of the event was satisfactory delivered and it was worthy of my time and effort. I am already looking forward with our Singles Retreat in Batangas as this will help me reform my faith as well as give me new insights to become a better person than I am now.